this just has baby written all over it
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
