i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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