I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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