from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
