Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
