why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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