around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
