yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
