and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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