Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Randomize