I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
