Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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