It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
