you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
