im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
