I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
