You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You need a sexual gate keeper
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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