Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
