Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
