Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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