apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
