Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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