i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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