Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
