what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
