**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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