dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
