i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
