Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
