Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
