just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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