I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
