dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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