babies were throwing up all over the place
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
