A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
