Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
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