I wannas sexs uuuuu
My liver just broke up with me...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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