I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
