There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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