I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
