I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
