having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
is it fun? or sober?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
