your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
