At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
