We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
BRING THE BAGELS
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
