Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
