I cannot find my penis.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
There's even glitter on my cock...
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