Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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