at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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