I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he fucked my hip out of place.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
