i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
