How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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