Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
