It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
