Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
