my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
