thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You can't special order awesome
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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