i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
